April 8 2018 - Apples in Apple Valley

April 8 in Apple Valley, home of Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. I felt like an extra in Giant, or maybe The Ponderosa. Dry, high desert with sharp bright blue skies. This is when I started smoking exclusively through apples. The phase lasted for some time. The following are some audio notes about it.

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Let me tell you the good things about smoking from apples.

It’s good for those with a light habit. I don't want to get fucked up in the morning. I'm trying to get shit done.

It’s always available. You can go to Walmart, buy one of those little bags of apples for less than five bucks, put them in the fucking refrigerator and you've got your marijuana dispensary items at hand for like three weeks or some shit.

Also you can buy it on the EBT! So thank you Uncle Sam for providing me with a healthy way to ingest my legal, uh, me-di-cine. Yes. Isn't that fine? I'm going to eat the apple when I'm done, too, so whatever. You're not not-eating it. You're not even breaking the food stamp laws with this shit, just eat the half of the apple away from the carb when you're done. It doesn't really get you that high, though.

My final point about why it's good to smoke out of an apple, is that you have completely erased a huge source of paraphernalia. Congratulations, your paraphernalia's problem is solved. If there's someone that knocks on the door, you feed the apple to the dog and there is no evidence. If you're eating the apple, you've got an apple core in your car now. And if you're constantly refreshing—which is key to keeping this a positive experience—you've got a fresh source of something to smoke from, too. So that means you’re not smoking out of some gnarly tar-filled pipe. it's just healthier. It feels good. If you don’t want to vape and you don’t want to roll a pinner, it’s a fine solution.

Shut up, dog! Come on! [Dog barks] This fuckin dog. Anyway. He chases me in at the same time every morning. I suppose that concludes my essay anyway. So. Everyone's a critic.